How does a plate
of double chocolate cake, with whip cream, and cherry’s on top
sound? Sinfully good, especially for the individuals who are having
their healthy servings - two and three times a day. I’m speaking
of our double dippers, people who are currently involved in a "monogamous"
relationship and makeshift ones at the same time. Having their cake
and eating it too. Playing multiple roles: husband, daddy, wife, mother,
and somebody else's lover.
The topic of this debate is discussed from hair salons to barbershops.
Why do we cheat? Is the first question that comes to my mind? Could
it be the need for greed? Meaning what’s better than one? Two.
Than two, three, and on and on. Or is it the imperative need for change?
Especially, when you are in a long term-relationship and the monotony
of your routine is killing you. Or taking a serious toll. Yet, at
the same time you acknowledge where HOME is. You do what you do, when
you do it, but when all is said and done it’s all about your
number one. The one you love, honor, respect and sometimes lie to
because of this love you possess for them. A good friend of mine told
me we lie to the one we love and care about. As for the one we tell
the truth to, we have no concern for their feelings. Since the truth
hurts we don’t have a desire to protect them due to our lack
of love for them. Yet, we cheat on the one we love.
Cheating has no boundaries, limits, or stipulations and when it comes
to women attempting to fathom why they’re cheated on. They tend
to over think the answer. According to a few men, the answer is simple:
they cheat because they want to. I don’t know if I agree or
disagree whole heartedly with this statement. I believe when anyone
cheats they are filling a void. It could be lack of affection, passion,
or desire from their mate. Although, there are several other elements
to key in as factors in the cheating equation.
Now, when the woman is the guilty party, often times it’s because,
her man is no longer treating her like a priority. He may be spending
less time with her, forgetting the little things he once did to make
her smile, or she’s cheating because she has a gut feeling that
he is, and does not want to be played. My grandmother always says,
"fair change ain’t no robbery." Although, there are
a select few who cheat as a coping mechanism for their fear of commitment.
I like to call them commitment phobic.
Which leads me to my next point. A vast number of the population would
rather have someone who is with soemone else. Just so they don’t
have to commit. I’ve heard several women say the best man to
have is someone else’s. He can wine and dine them, then go home
to wifey. She does not have to cook, clean, cater to him, argue, fuss,
or fight. Her mission is to sex him down and then move around. That
is if she has the ability to sex him with no emotional ties and never
gets caught up. For some reason women attatch emotions to sex. Not
all but some do. Where as men, have concured the emotionless bonds
of sex and for them it is just that sex. Which is why they can seelp
with someone other than their spouse, girlfriend, or significant other.
Thus, it is what it is. He may stray away from home but he always
returns.
In the event the woman gets caught up and wants more and her partner
is not willing to give her what she wants. All hell breaks loose.
The crank calls begin, drive bys at his home, letters sent in the
mail, and a host of other psychotic behavior from a woman scorned.
Moreover, there are times when the second sting will sit on the side
lines awaiting her playing time. She will believe the lies, "I’m
leaving, just give me some time." Truth be told, he really is
not going anywhere he just wants to have his cake and eat it too.
A small percentage of them do leave and magically make the other woman
the woman. (Who will now be locked in turmoil and doubt. Hint: she
knows exactlhy how she got him, and lives in fear of loosing him in
that very fashion.) When the man does not conform and the other woman
is worn down from her place in the game. She just may tell the woman
all about the affair every single detail. Women can be very evil and
vendictive.
Believe it or not, the number one woman already knows if she is going
to stay or go. Well before the theatrical event takes place. If she
stays they must rebuild their relationship and TRUST has to play a
major role. Your relationship must be built on trust or it will surely
go down. It’s only a matter of time.
The irony of it all is when the script is flipped and the woman is
caught. There is nothing absolutly nothing that she can say in her
defense. He will not listen, or care to hear her explanation. Reason
being he knows when she steps outside their bededroom and invites
someone else into it, it’s not soemthing to do. Her emotions
are envolved. One gentleman broke it down for me like this. She shared
her body with someone else and now she’s contaminated. The difference
when he does it, is he’s the one causing the contamination.
Even still, every time we sleep with someone we give them a part of
our spirit that we can not take back.
The bottom line is people treat us the way we allow them to. If you’re
in a relationship you raise the bar and set the expectations on how
he or she treats you. Some relationships survive the infidelity that
plays through it from beginning to end and some don’t. Communication
is essential in any relationship and should be used effectively. With
that said enjoy your dessert! |
